Minority Report

Director: Steven Speilberg

It is odd how I only seem to review films that I dislike.
I suppose that it has something to do with knowing full well that writing a positive review is harder work, and that if I have to work, I want to get paid for it. Why is writing a positive review harder? Because any normal positive review is one of two things. It is either a gushing, sentimental piece that could come from a publicity department, or it is a stolid and worthy attribution of congratulation which sounds like a eulogy for a politician who spent most of his time sleeping.

Its far easier to be clear about what one dislikes, and why.

It's also a whole lot easier to find the motivation to work for nothing, too.
After all, revenge is a fine motivation.

Dunt, taddle a dunt dunt DAH
The Review.

As I sincerely hope you know by now, the film concerns Tom Cruise, leading a team of flying cops who arrest people before they can commit murder. The team is furnished with information from a group of psychics about crimes which are GOING to happen. The team then turns up, and arrests the would be criminal before the crime can be committed. The penalty for being stopped from committing a crime is a lifetime of imprisonment in glass telephone booth.

The TEAM are (of course) represented as heroic, though it is rather difficult to see why, given that the only example of their work that is shown in the film is the interruption of a crime of passion so thoroughly unpremeditated that it would be classed "accidental" in today's court system.

That said, I found it rather funny that I was expected to care when Tom Cruise is accused of killing a man some days in the future and ends up on the run, escaping from his Nazi party buddies in a desperate attempt to clear his name and discover the truth.

By jingo, it bored me to type that. Rest assured though, it is (theoretically anyway) not boring to watch this warmed over hackneyed stodge unfold before your quivering eyes. Before any form of rational thought can worm its way into the mind the brain is DAZZLED and BEFUDDLED with SPECIAL EFFECTS THE WONDER OF WHICH THE WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN. See TOM operate a computer by dancing around like a virtual twister player. See Toms ARMPITS!! See amazing cars travel on amazing streets! See ANIMATED CEREAL PACKETS! See the true power of big shiny things that obviously cost A LOT OF MONEY and are, therefore, "cool".

On the other hand, you could follow my example and sit bored in the theatre and think "Um, that just does not make sense." To alleviate the tedium, you get the chance to say that, over, and over, again.

The thing with science fiction films is that (despite all screeches to the contrary) they don't actually HAVE to make much sense. Of course, they are better if they do, but as with all films all that is truly required is internal logic.

"The Andromeda Strain" has a series of precepts, (ideas) which are worked through to a logical conclusion. The precepts are realistic, the work-through is logical and the conclusions are rational. A good solid, science fiction film.

"Star Wars" on the other hand, has some dead wonky ideas in it. Light Sabres are beams of energy that are solid, and of a particular length. Ok. Sound apparently travels in the vacuum of space.Ok. I can live with it. Just. These are not sufficiently serious quibbles that the film loses points because of them. In "Star Wars" you see, though OVERALL logic may be lacking, the INTERNAL logic survives. For example, once Lucas has said,

"Light Sabres are beams of energy that are solid, and of a particular length."

...light sabres remain as such. The end of the film does not hinge on the idea that the heroes light sabres can suddenly becopme non solid. That would be a failure of internal logic.

In other words these films (and literally thousands of others like them) have an INTERNAL logic. They make sense WITHIN the parameters that they have set up as the "laws of the universe."

I'll give you a counter example. In "STAR CRASH" all is completely, and utterly, lost. The hero is trapped and all chance of escape is buggered. Not that you really care, you understand, "STAR CRASH" is not a good film in any way at all. Back to the plot. At the moment of destruction, the "Emperor of the Universe" raises his arm and intones, "Imperial Battle cruiser, HALT THE FLOW OF TIME!" Everyone then turns and troops towards the exits.

I can still remember how when I saw that at a matinee performance during school holidays that a loud twelve-year-old voice raised itself high above the soundtrack and shouted, "Oh, get FUCKED." The audience became a mob.

Alright. I will clarify that for the cheap seats. IF the Emperor can stop time, why has he waited until the very last minute to save the day? Why have a film at all?

"Minority Report" does things like this, though not nearly as blatantly, throughout the entire film. It is not that the film has "plot holes" as such, but rather the film lacks logic. The film concerns itself far more with attempting to blind through bullshit and to excite rather than to inspire thought. As such, its blatherings about being "serious science fiction" are basically lies.

Taken as simply an action film, "Minority Report" involves special effects, and Tom Cruise running a lot. Using these parameters it is quite a good film. As a music video, which the film resembles, there is not enough music. As far as "science fiction" goes, it does not make any grade worth seriously thinking about.

If you want to see Speilberg do science fiction well, watch AI.
While that film is not perfect it is far better than this, is actually good science fiction and does not have Tom Cruise's armpits in it.

Very seriously Video fodder.

(C)opyright Alex Rieneck, 2001.