Saturday 20^th May 2006

Are they taking the piss?

One hour - and I repeat it so that you are clear on the notion being presented - one whole hour is scheduled from 7:20pm to 8:20pm every week day evening by State Rail to clean the toilets. Further, this time window is only one of many enduring periods of cleaning required during the course of a day and the doors a firmly locked to ensure you do not disrupt the pixies.

In the space of a few minutes where I and she deflected attention from each others bladders with mindless yabber, a few fellows came along and threatened the doors with a firm and deserved kicking, before continuing on to find a darkened pillar instead, commenting to us on passing some variation on, "f*cking c**ts."

I could only but agree....

I went to the State Rail attendant at the barrier, who was speaking to someone via her mobile phone. She was timid to my approach and gave me a glance suggesting that my inquiry to platforms or train delays should be brief as she was on a call - her hand lightly cupping the phone - as she mouthed, "yes? what?"

"It's 8:20pm - open the toilets." not quite polite, but not quite impolite. It was simply a firm claim on contractual obligations.

I made a move as though I was about to hose her shoes, her hand bag, the State Railway tiles and the oncoming commuters with four buckets of chinese tea I had recently consumed.

She glanced to the official time piece just beyond the barrier and said reassuringly, "Soon. very soon." The clock read 08:19:46

"Open the toilets." I repeated, evenly, gesticulating to the growing crowd of bladders behind me.

"He come soon," she adivsed beginning to look about, showing me she was on the case - now holding the phone one foot away from her ear, still cupped, still connected.

"Who?", I inquired and continued, "It is now the time. The toilets are due to be open. You open them." I suggested.

She continued to look about and finally spotted another dedicated State Rail employee half way along the conscourse within the barriers. He was casually chatting with someone obscured behind a column. My barrier guard was mightily relieved to be able to inform me that it was that man who is responsible and was soon liable to open the toilets, by saying to me, "Him. Very soon!" before quickly retreating out of my cone of attention to continue her telephone conversation.

I whistled firmly, in a rising pitch, not stopping till his head began to turn to the source - in my direction. I stopped and as his eyes met mine, I hollered, "Toilets - open them!" pointing to the clock.

Returning to my transient companion and the other assembled diuretic desperados on the steps by the toilets, looking pleased I had taken the initiative, I commented further that, "this is a scam of unknown motive, since clearly the toilets have long been cleaned, are currently not occupied by either commuters or cleaners, and they simply sit unused and locked for the better part of an hour until a state rail employee gets round to noticing the opening time has definitely passed... where-upon the duty to open the door kicks in and eventual behaviour follows."

Our blue shirted friend with a chain of jingling keys and casual air of employment arrived, opened the doors and stood aside as we rushed in, passing him with a look of bewilderment. I was one of at least four very relieved men at the urinal trying not to cross the beams.

As I passed our functionary outside, on my way to getting the train home - he was waiting upon the stairs for my return it would seem - he remarked to me, "I hope the toilets are clean enough." with some pointless and venomous implication or vindication. I can't say which or why. I just continued, untinterrupted, to get home.

As if I gave a sh*t what he meant..

End of Rant.

(C)opyright Sylvano Lucchetti.